Garbage for 26th December

The Boxing Day Bonanza

Hi All!

I have been delegated the responsibility of writing this week’s trash, in Supa-Sucka’s absence, so will do my best to live up to her extremely high standards.

On a bright sunny Boxing Day afternoon, a group of assorted hashers assembled at Matawai Park in Rangiora for the last run of the year and well, what a great run it was. Hared by Dingaling and KB’d by STD, the fact that they had strayed well outside their normal hood mattered not. Having consulted his good friend Mr Googlemap, Dingaling set a great trail through the Rangiora parks and suburbs, finding paths and trails that even the locals did not know existed. In tow were Brisbane visitors Coco Chanel and Sir P*ssalot and also a number of hash sprogs which mysteriously seemed to grow in number as the run progressed, so if anyone still has a couple of spares that do not belong to them, bring them back next week.

So we were off, with a bit of half hearted running and looking for trail through the trees of Matawai Nature Park which saw us eventually looping back onto Southbelt. Navigator forced his legs into a trot while Nice But led the field with Unik’s young’uns in tow on their scooters. We fizzled out for a bit on Southbrook while we searched in vain for trail until we realised that while Navi’s legs were now working his eyes were not, having missed the trail marked clearly along the edge of Southbrook Park. Over the road, past a special hash mark of “Wowo” and into the big wide swathe of green then left into the Chamberlain estate. By this time Oddjob had taken over the role of FRB, and hanging on the end of a dog lead found trail up Pentecost Rd, through some more bemused suburbs whose quiet car-washing was disturbed by his yells of ON ON, and on to the first p*ss stop at Allens Reserve (I think!) Nice But wasted no time jumping onto the kiddies playpark and even got away without being fined for it . Labrat then arrived with Gremmie, who gave everyone a much needed cooling down by shaking his head and showering all with slimy industrial coolant from his slobbery gob. Only a bit went in the chippies so Labrat thought it best to keep quiet.

By this time we had picked up Tugga and Goin Down along the way, though Tugga seemed to be there in body only – must have been a big night eh? ON ON again, round the houses and streets to the second p*ss stop by the netball courts at Dudley.and on then on home. Wowo had arrived by this time, clearly confused that he had his own trail to follow, and making some excuses about hay cutting as the reason for being late.

A great afternoon jaunt ended with cold meats, breads and yummy salads, washed down with a load more grog, and some fines (as best I can remember them) as follows:

Dingaling and STD – hare and KB
Navigator – self fined for missing the trail
All the dog owners / dog walkers
Visitors Coco Chanel and Sir P*ssalot
Hash Sprogs
MILF for RUNNING!!
007 for being a snotty hayfever sufferer
Wowo for his lateness
Tugga for being quietly unsociable
MILF for trying to matchmake her son with Octopussy
Orful Fuk for his first full year of hashing
Dingaling for not realising the on on was being held in an alcohol free zone

...and others that I forgot to write down.....

Fantastic end to another year of Chch hashing!

Upcumming runs:

Monday 2 January hosted by 007 and Pussy Galore at 89 Loburn Kowai Road, Loburn ~ Combined GCH3-CH2H3 Run MONDAY with a 3pm start

Bring a chair, your tent and gear to camp overnight at the Bond ranch! If you have an EQ-chemical toilet, bring that too, as the ranch is still light on facilities (other than the plethora of trees).

Directions:

· Go straight through Rangiora heading north (follow signs out of town toward Ashley) and across the Ashley bridge.

· After 1.5km, when the road bends to the left, there is a sign that says “Welcome to Loburn.” Turn right here into Cones Road, which then becomes Carrs Road.

· Then just go straight for 7.5km.

· Cross a small bridge, and then turn right into Loburn Kowai Road.

· Less than 1km on the left you will see/hear 007 and his critters!

(P*ss provided by GCH3. The Missing Linc won’t start selling p*ss until the run starts, so if you plan on cuming early, bring your own supply of pre-lube p*ss. In addition to his normal supply of p*ss, The Missing Linc will have 48 bottles of warm Speight’s, yum. Staying overnight? Be prepared with an adequate supply of your drink of choice for the evening.)

9 January hosted by Supreme and Perky Nana at Victoria Park, Port Hills ~ Meet in the main carpark of Victoria Park. Be prepared for the mother shiggy of all shiggy trails!

On-On at 3 Spruce Lane, Linden Grove, Middleton

Just cuming for the On-On? You know the drill:

· Find Lincoln Road.

· Off Lincoln Road at Addington, turn off at MacDonald’s. Go through the drive thru and order a McChicken sandwich for Supreme.

· Go back around and avoid the drive thru a second time. You are now heading down Sylvan Street.

· Hit the next left into Linden Grove Avenue.

· Look for the private Spruce Lane, but park on Linden Grove Avenue.

· The On-On is at 3 Spruce Lane with its bloody big wooden letterbox.

On on,

007

Garbage for 20th December

Rehash Run No 1528 a Link n Oxy spectacular!

A large christmassy crowd turned up for Links Romp below the hanging rocks . Even sister Maureen turned up which put Oxy into a gastronomic panic for  while.
The trail started down hill with the runners taking the bait and hurtling into the gloom. Self, SIF and firkin started at speed but got into a technical discussion about the new bridge for Matindales road. Before we kew it we were under the bridge and the VI was in view. Trail outside confirmed the decision that short cutting IS an honourable pastime and in we went to await the arrival of the pack….which took about three jugs.  No idea where they had been but we followed the trail which amazingly took us right back home.
                 Fines were set up with Bagshag getting the first lonely beaker to spread her bugs and illnesses with. This was duly passed on to all that did not bring a pannikin ( don’t forget yours next week)  Milf and Nice But were fined with their respectives for PDA before he run. Dogs Bollocks for his 250th. Fingers and Lusty for running and arriving at the PS after all the walkers and other runners…..where had they been??  Labrat and Gloworm were fined for not being seen at all until the PS. Others for deeds that cannot be remembered by this Quake rattled brain. Though I believe Link got the TITS and WoWo the POTW ???

Next Weeks run Matawai Park Rangiora  3 pm start on MONDAY 26th
On On
Dagy
 Short one this week as the quakes have cut my time and memory to shreds

Garbage for 13 Dec - Victoria Park, not the Sign of the Bellbird

Rehash Run Number 1526 at which even the SCB’s did some work!!!

Not to blow my own trumpet but I have to say the run was absolutely brilliantly wonderfully orgasmically set! 

A good start just after 1830 ( Note that for Links run you habitual laties!) and a down and up loop back to the start where self was loading the old back pack chilly bin for the third piss stop. Loco was hobbling about with his crook foot (stood on a nail) and some twit was waving a metal detector about. A quick drink and the pack set off on another jaunt while self tramped into the sunset and Loco drove to the second PS. The pack had no problems getting there in double quick time while the Body carrying the pack down hill was not happy. Self got to the bowenvale valley bottom to be run over by Supreme on his bike doing 6 gazillion miles per hour down a ravine. The pack dribbled in to the bottom PS avoiding the stream of bikers. All except fingers who seemed to have a death wish. A pleasant time was had pulling the melted bag of lollies apart and drinking a well shaken up beer. No one noticed Link and Oxy were not present….playing in the long grass. At this point  Odd Job (II) tried climbing the rock face which earned him the job of carrying the left over piss back up hill. Finally gasped our way to the top!!!!!!!!!!

Trail over and into the fines:- Religious Advisor and Fines Master for the night, Navigator, awarded the following down-downs:
Accolade for Dagy for stepping in at late notice
Fines to Wo Wo and Waank Plaank for going to the changed venue (BellBird)
Fines to Pulled Noze and Just Out: Pulled for predicting the Just might be a bit late when the pack was already well along the first leg of the trail; Just for making sure that Pulled's belated prediction was true by arriving (very very) late.
Fines to Sticky Phingers and Lusty for not taking due care on a dangerous trail: Phingers for repeatedly enticing speeding mountain bikers by standing in the middle of their track at the lower PS; Lusty for attempting to hurdle a fence but ending instead in a heap on the ground.
Accolade to The Missing Linc and Oxfam Legs for completing the hardest part of the runners final leg, getting home even before Nice But ...
Final Fine to Nice But ... for mountain-goat-like sprinting up the slippery grass slopes of the mountain-side.

Oxfam Legs then awarded her trifecta of apparel to 3 deserving recipients:
Condom to Wo Wo for attending wrong venue
Boobs to Waank Plaank for the same misdemeanour
Shorts to 007 for ... well I was not sure and am still not sure - but he DID deserve them. Maybe for carrying the booze box up the hill when the hare had allocated the task to Odd Job who must have decided that this job was not odd enuf.

A quick cold feast of spuds, ham and salads was bolted down before the Gestapo came to throw us out of the park.

This Saturday :- Xmas Do.

Next weeks run :- the Missing Link 43 b Flinders Rd

Boxing Day Run :- Have decided to have the boxing day run at Matawai Park, in Rangiora.
Directions from Christchurch are: take the Main North Road motorway, turn off at the Lineside Drive/ State Highway 71 exit.  Continue onto Southbrook Rd. At the roundabout, (should be marked Matawai Park and Southbrook park),turn left onto South Belt, then take the first right onto King Street and the Park is on the right hand side.
Maybe people would like to bring something to sit on?
ON ON,
STD
New Web site to visit every week:-    http://gch3.weebly.com

Finally,  Dunedin H3 is back up and running. Sirloin has started it up again with 11 on the first run. Ten of them actually did run!!!! Check out facebook at Peter Tipa (Sirloin) for details or contact Dagy or Sirloin on 0274383825.

On On
Dagy

Garbage for 6th December

An epistle about Wank Planks second night in a row of culinary excellence.

Sorry about the delay, had to pop over to Melbourne for a few days.

The following from Pulled Out!!!!!

There was a young fella from Avonside
Strapped on his skates and went for a ride 
He laid so much trail
He thought, "This cannot fail!"
When the rain hit, he sat down and cried.

The rain did not scare all the hashers away 
Some decided to brave the weather and play 
An old whinging Pom came along 
A Yorky, who’s true blue (or so says the song),
Who felt right at home in conditions so wintery and gray??????????????

As the skies opened up, the runners thought “shit!”
Can’t it dry up just for a bit?
Christchurch has decided to welcome our visitor 
By imitating the northern hemisphere winter 
Let’s send him back lest we have a fit  and maybe this horrible weather will quit!”

“Am I in the southern hemisphere? It’s so hard to judge!”
Wondered Psycho, as the silt turned to sludge
At the On Piss, the stories grew bluer
 Link shared details of growing up round a sewer
Soon bored of his shitty tales, on home we started to trudge

As the Hashers all set to their dinner,
The Devil thought, "I'm onto a winner!
With their gluttony and swearing,
their drinking and jeering,
each and every one is clearly a sinner!"


There was a young man from the marae
For his hash run he cooked lots of kai
The kai moana was so tasty
The hashers thought he was too hasty
When he shouted" "Piss off home! You’re like pigs in a sty!"

Happy birthday, you Planker
Could have got you some liqueur
But bad poetry's cheap
Even if it puts you to sleep
That'll teach you for being a Wanker!

Superb food after the fines which went something like this:-

Wo Wo for not knowing what NZ’s deeeeepest lake is…..Hauroko
Vasie for not doing trail due to a sore bum and finger (You figure!!!)
Firkin for looking for trail in his car.

Link for waxing anything but lyrical about the sewage pumping station being his birthplace.
Firkin for doing the same about Silage
Oxy got the prick and the tits from Vasie for only selling $35.00 of gear
Psycho for visiting from Gods chosen place….Yorkshire, where I was born!!!
Can’t read who got the condom!!! Something to do with Nice But and Glo Worm I think!!!!!

This weeks run from Victoria Park starting at 1830 sharp!!!!  Food will be simple and cheap and not much of It, like in the good old days!!

On On
Dagy

Garbage for 29th November

It was a beautiful evening. The sun was shining, the grass was
green, the ducks were shagging...yup, to the delight of BagShag and Navi.
Navi in particular seemed a bit overly exited. Next night: Navi: "Hey
NiceButt, I've got you a p[resent. It's a merkin." NiceButt: "Hang on, are
those duck feathers???"

The runners set of at a smart pace, admiring the charms of Dallington: the

sweet smell of exposed sewage repairs, the beauty of road cones, plastic
road blocks and fencing, the flowering weeds of the abandoned houses...

After an excessive number of checks early on and a decent run around the
edges of the Horseshoe Lake, we arrived at the first piss-stop to a slightly
discombobulated JustNoze, asking forlornly, "have you seen the walkers? They
should have arrived before you..." Of course they hadn't. He must have
forgotten they are lazy fuckers. Conversation soon strayed to Vassey's
outstanding rack (due to forgetting a sports bar and using the push-up kind
instead) and from there to her 73 year old Mum's perky ones... Hmm.

Then a car pulled up and out emerged... the most consistently late Hashers
next to BagShag and Firkin... It was, of course, LabRat and our lovely JM.
Shortly thereafter the walkers finally plodded along, much to CrutchItch's
relief as there was a chilly wind up.

On to the next piss stop, with a run along the river, admiring the sights
of the cavernous cracks in the Avon's banks. The MissingLinc must have
fallen down one, because we never saw him till the OnOn. Perhaps the odour
of the food was enough to give him the strength to haul himself out. This
time the walkers managed to make the stop at about the right time, with Navi
still grizzling about their slackness. Hopefully he recovers from his injury
before someone resorts to gagging him to shut him up.

Then it was on home for fines, a nibble on JustNoze's sausage(s), and a fine
feed of salads and JustNoze's specialty spicy wedges. Unfortunately for
MILF, she couldn't identify the source of the spiciness so kept stuffing
down spuds in an effort to cool down her mouth. Oops...

In the fines circle we had a masterful performance from our stand in fines
master, OneLoos. Linc's usual call to "show us your wizzer" was once again a
FAIL. Then he tried reverse psychology: "Don't show us your wizzer!"
still a FAIL. Then he resorted to "Show us your zunt!" Still a FAIL. Does
three in a row count as an EPIC FAIL? For more, search for 'Desperate old man" on EpicFail.com.

The fines:
- Hare: JustNoze
- HashUp: PulledOut
- Navi: undue interest in duck loving
- ? : awarded condom by WankPlank
- Navi: whinging about teh walkers
- Vassey: starting a conversation about tits via her exceptionally
supportive bra
- Navi: RA not noticing that Vassey neglected to bring hash awards
- Vassey: not bringing awards
- Some others I can't remember so they obviously weren't that good.

Garbage for 22nd November

Version One

I am too shagged... blah blah blah... sfdgsgfgfd.... and all anticipated the excitement of Orful Fuk’s kitchen!

So when the actual Scribe forgets to come to hash it is a JM’s responsibility to appoint a suitable candidate for the job. So when this appointment fails to occur due to an advanced state of inebriation one must force ones fingers deep into ones gullet in an attempt to regurgitate some nonsensical mish-mash of what did and didn’t occur.

Its great having runs far out in the country, but the navigation proved difficult for the FrigidDigit/Bagshag combo who got lost and ran out of fuel, before having to take a ride back to Clarkville in a horse float that was carrying a dead mare back into town for dismemberment. They did make it to the run though which was a little late to get started due to a general lack of enthusiasm for trail and hashers just shagging about drinking piss. Although Dagy wasn’t there in body, he was in spirit because he had provided 2 handfuls of wood-shavings which OrfulFuk used to set the entire trail, including a wankers/real hashers split! So with weapons in hand and correct shoes on feet we headed off along ditches, across paddocks, through, over or around fences until coming upon a farmhouse where we interrupted a farmers daughter sunbathing topless in the backyard! Err, sorry about that! WoWo didn’t notice though as he had found and engine-less Series 1 Landrover, which he was planning to repower with a Briggs & Stratton lying nearby. And this was pretty much where the 2 handfuls of wood-shavings trail came to an end. With wankers heading west and real hashers heading east and a seething white-water to the south trail had vanished? Or, was never laid? At this point Pulled Out disappeared as well, although JustNoze wasn’t worried because he had the car keys. As we stumbled about aimlessly, thoughts started turning to survival rather than finding trail. There’s something about drinking your own urine which makes you get up and think; I can do this! So with renewed gusto the hash tribe reunited atop the stopbank and with Gloworm striding ahead the 1^st P.S was found. Abuse and profanity was hurled at OrfulFuk for his invisible trail but this soon melted away with the warmth and comfort of beer on the tonsils. A 2^nd P.S was held on a roadside shortcut back to the Grand Palace, where Pulled Out was waiting for us explaining that she had found a stray cat on trail and had gone to find the owner. Which she did successfully, bless her.

The Fines circle was an extensive affair, carried out by Pulled Out with a cameo from Workashirka as guest fines-master. OrfulFuk was fined for shitty trail. We had overseas visitors from Qatar Hash; Takin the Piss (thanks for the hash shirt!) and Viagra. Oddjob from Dorkland. Klingon turned 21. Octopussy has moved to CHCH JUST so she could hash with GCH3. Navigator and OneLoos displayed excessive concern that we didn’t have a fines master and 007 got dobbed in for responding to the cry of; “Dad!”

Wank Plank had to self award the condom as he never wore it on the run. Dumb-ass!

For dinner we enjoyed a concoction of jungle curries and rice which shut everybody up for 5 minutes before grabbing a roadie and heading to the WedgE-mobile.

OnOn

Worm

P.S: Get ur Xmas Doo Tickets from RLD. Now! Go on u slack pricks!

Version Two

Hey folks

Sorry this is late - I forgot to appoint anyone to do it!

Note about tonight's run at 26 Bideford Place: Please rememer to come up
Gayhurst Road going north and at the McBratneys Rd roundabout, ignore the
'road closed' sign and drive in anyway.

Garbage for 22 Nov:

A motley crew assembled at Orful Fuk's flat way out in Clarkville, refusing
to be overly impressed by his upmarket snacks (salami, crackers, popadoms,
etc...mmm) and his flashy dribble-dropper. Virgins are always out to create
a good first impression!

The run headed off at a tardy 7pm or therabouts, and was off to a good
start, with plenty of shiggy and off-roading - evidently Orful had actually
listened to Navi's religious advice (does anyone else...?). There was a
runners/walkers split, the walkers appropriately being taken through fields
full of cow dung - serves the lazy shits right!

The runners followed clearly laid trail up stop banks, down shingle tracks,
through the woods to...nothing!

Increasingly frantic searching, wading through swamp, climbing banks and
zigzagging across roads failed to locate the mysterious trail.

And then it happened...The night began to turn ominously dark....One by one,
the runners disappeared...just as if the woods were inhabited by a
malevolent force. Like a scene from the Blair Witch Project. Until, at last,
only a plaintiff "are you? Are you?" could be heard, slowly fading away in
the distance until cold silence reigned...

That's the end of my garbage on the trail, as I never did find the rest of
it. I did have a good time communing with the horses on the way back.

F8ines:
- Orful Fuk - shitty trail, lack of trail
- Pulled Out - failing to properly read the invisible trail and
magically
know her way to the piss stop (perhaps I should have sniffed it out)
- Visitors - there were two but I don't remember their names - one
from UK
and one from the US I think...?
- Wank Plank: nearly cauising a plane crash by flashing his tackle.
Apparently it is almost visible from space!
- Wank Plank - not bringing condom
- Bag Shag - ??? Something to do with a previous run?
- Several others, I forget

The night finished with an outstanding feast, including 3 kinds of marinated
roast pork, roast jacket spuds with tasty dips, several varieties of Asian
dishes for the veggies, plus a lot more - and even ice cream to finish

On on!